Questions for Density Church: Taking it to the "next level"

As always feel free to ask us any spiritual questions about Density Church, and either I or one of my anointed congregation will answer it for you.

Here is our latest question, from Cameron Gray:

Brian, I'm not really ready to make another commitment to the church, but i do need answers. I have talked to my friend David here alot and well.... I have been with my girlfriend for a very long time (2 years) and was just wondering, does the destiny church think its ok to... ugh... take it to the next level? I know dave (sadly broke up a little while ago) was in a relationship and was nearly there but decided not to. It's hard being virgins unlike all of our friends

Thank you Cameron for you thoughtful question, I hope you will soon see the light that I am the one spokesman here on Earth for God and to join us at Density Church this coming Sunday.

And no, I do not believe it is appropriate for a person of your spiritual age to "take it to the next level" and start holding hands with another person of the opposite gender (it IS of the opposite gender right?).

Cameron replies with a follow up question...
Everyone tells me: "it's not gay if you're friends"

Answer...
I do believe the phrase you are looking for is: "it is not gay if you don't push back", which is of course completely false.

As we know (those of us who have been dutifully going along to Density Church) if you so much as look at a person lustfully then you have already sinned.

So thus we find from our studies that if you even thought of having sex with your friend then it as if you have already done this sin (and if you have already "done" it.... then having sex with him is not going to make any difference is it?).

Reference: "But I tell you that whoever looks at a woman and cherishes lustful thoughts has already in his heart become guilty with regard to her." Matthew 5:28

Yours in the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
Lord High Bishop Brian Tamariki

Density Church marches agains Gay sheep

Thousands of Density church members, clad in black shirts, marched on Parliament on Friday to voice their opposition to the "growing numbers of gay sheep".

The march was organised after a recent scientific study, published in the Journal of Endocrinology, demonstrated that some 8% of sheep displayed homosexual proclivities. The report, which discovered a link between homosexual orientation and the volume of oSDN cells in sheep, has outraged members of Density Church, who consider it to be evidence of moral decline amongst sheep communities.

"It's just not natural," Tamariki claimed in his address. "My grandfather was a farmer in the King Country in the 1950s, and he says there certainly weren't any gay sheep in his day. He told me himself that there was none of that sort of carry on amongst his flocks. So you have to ask why 8% of sheep have suddenly gone gay today.

"To my mind, there is only one reason for this," continued Tamariki. "Sheep are not being as strongly disciplined as in the past. Through lax standards, too many sheep are being given the run of the land, and have fallen into moral degeneracy.

The Density crowd were confident that tougher sheep legislation could put an end to this outbreak of ovine homosexuality."Yeah, sheep shouldn't be gay. Sheep are sheep," commented one of the marchers, Wiremu Johnson (aged 6).

"You know, Jesus was the Good Shepherd, and he sure wouldn't have let any of his flock go gay," commented Tamariki. "So if Jesus could have had 100% straight sheep, then so should we. Let's bring this country back to normality! Sheep are sheep!!"