Church gives Tamaki huge bonus
Brian Tamaki is given up to $500,000 every year in donations from Destiny Church members on top of his six-figure salary, according to a former employee.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Poor me, I'm living on the poverty line....
Am barely scrapping by... please donate more money so I can carry on my good works.
Church gives Tamaki huge bonus
Church gives Tamaki huge bonus
Jesus goes to Destiny Church
Jesus is not pleased by what he sees at Destiny Church....
(skip to 1:57 for when Jesus starts singing & earlier 1:31 for when he starts clearing the temple out...)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Questions for Density Church: Taking it to the "next level"
As always feel free to ask us any spiritual questions about Density Church, and either I or one of my anointed congregation will answer it for you.
Here is our latest question, from Cameron Gray:
Brian, I'm not really ready to make another commitment to the church, but i do need answers. I have talked to my friend David here alot and well.... I have been with my girlfriend for a very long time (2 years) and was just wondering, does the destiny church think its ok to... ugh... take it to the next level? I know dave (sadly broke up a little while ago) was in a relationship and was nearly there but decided not to. It's hard being virgins unlike all of our friends
Thank you Cameron for you thoughtful question, I hope you will soon see the light that I am the one spokesman here on Earth for God and to join us at Density Church this coming Sunday.
And no, I do not believe it is appropriate for a person of your spiritual age to "take it to the next level" and start holding hands with another person of the opposite gender (it IS of the opposite gender right?).
Cameron replies with a follow up question...
Everyone tells me: "it's not gay if you're friends"
Answer...
I do believe the phrase you are looking for is: "it is not gay if you don't push back", which is of course completely false.
As we know (those of us who have been dutifully going along to Density Church) if you so much as look at a person lustfully then you have already sinned.
So thus we find from our studies that if you even thought of having sex with your friend then it as if you have already done this sin (and if you have already "done" it.... then having sex with him is not going to make any difference is it?).
Reference: "But I tell you that whoever looks at a woman and cherishes lustful thoughts has already in his heart become guilty with regard to her." Matthew 5:28
Yours in the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
Lord High Bishop Brian Tamariki
Here is our latest question, from Cameron Gray:
Brian, I'm not really ready to make another commitment to the church, but i do need answers. I have talked to my friend David here alot and well.... I have been with my girlfriend for a very long time (2 years) and was just wondering, does the destiny church think its ok to... ugh... take it to the next level? I know dave (sadly broke up a little while ago) was in a relationship and was nearly there but decided not to. It's hard being virgins unlike all of our friends
Thank you Cameron for you thoughtful question, I hope you will soon see the light that I am the one spokesman here on Earth for God and to join us at Density Church this coming Sunday.
And no, I do not believe it is appropriate for a person of your spiritual age to "take it to the next level" and start holding hands with another person of the opposite gender (it IS of the opposite gender right?).
Cameron replies with a follow up question...
Everyone tells me: "it's not gay if you're friends"
Answer...
I do believe the phrase you are looking for is: "it is not gay if you don't push back", which is of course completely false.
As we know (those of us who have been dutifully going along to Density Church) if you so much as look at a person lustfully then you have already sinned.
So thus we find from our studies that if you even thought of having sex with your friend then it as if you have already done this sin (and if you have already "done" it.... then having sex with him is not going to make any difference is it?).
Reference: "But I tell you that whoever looks at a woman and cherishes lustful thoughts has already in his heart become guilty with regard to her." Matthew 5:28
Yours in the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
Lord High Bishop Brian Tamariki
Nocturnal Emissions
Question: Dear Brian
I am 14 years old, and am a bit embarrassed to ask you this. But I will, because of some guilt feelings I'm having. The other night, while I was asleep, I had a nocturnal emission. I woke up to discover a wet patch. I had no control over this obviously, because I was asleep. But I felt a lot of guilt about it afterwards, and wondered if having a nocturnal emission is a sin? Should I ask for forgiveness for this?
Robert Rakiti
Answer: Dear Robert
Thanks for your question, Robert. Your sense of guilt is for a very good reason. Having a nocturnal emission is a sin, and is just as much a sin as killing someone - even though it is completely involuntary. In the Word of God, Leviticus 15 requires that every time a man
ejaculates he is unclean until the end of the day! God knows that male discharges are incredibly hazardous. Seminal ejaculation is a sin, and the Bible tells us that they must be amended for - through offerings to God and a ritual cleansing. It is for this very reason that Penni
and I only have sexual intercourse when I know I can stay within the confines of my home all day afterwards. For God's holy law is good, and protects us against disease.
This law is set out both in Leviticus 15.16 and Deuteronomy 23.10-11:
"If a man has an emission of semen, he shall bathe his whole body in water, and be unclean until the evening."
- Leviticus 15.16
"If one of you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp; he must not come within the camp. When evening comes, he shall wash himself with water, and when the sun has set, he may come back into the camp."
- Deut 23.10-11
Did you see what it said in Deuteronomy? God's law also applies to nocturnal emissions! Yup - even if a man has an involuntarily ejaculation in his sleep, he is considered 'unclean' in the eyes of
God. For we are fallen creatures. And we can sin even when we don't know it, because of the original sin of Adam.
That's why the Jews required that a man had to make a sin offering for the forgiveness of his sin of ejaculation. God doesn't approve of our ejaculations. Oh no! Ejaculating is a result of our sinful natures, and every time we wake up feeling the sticky residue of an involuntary nocturnal emission, we should pray for forgiveness. Before Jesus came, the Jews had to sacrifice a turtledove as a sin offering for offending God with their ejaculations. Ejaculating is indeed a sin! Leviticus 15.14-15 required that:
"On the eighth day a man who ejaculated shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons and come before Yahweh to the entrance of the tent of meeting and give them to the priest. The priest shall offer them, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make atonement on his behalf before Yahweh for his discharge."
Nowadays, however, Christians can pray for forgiveness of our ejaculations - directly to God, without the intervention of a priest. This is where the Whore of Babylon, the Roman Catholic Church, is wrong. They still think that we need a priest to intervene between us and God, but I'm telling you that we can pray directly to Jesus and say "sorry about that ejaculation, Lord Jesus!"
And just in case you spit your semen at anyone else lying near you, please remember that they are just as unclean as you. As Leviticus 15.8 teaches:
"If the one with the discharge spits on persons who are clean, then they shall wash their clothes, and bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening."
You don't want to be spat upon by an unclean ejaculator! Oh no! So if you happen to sleep in the same room as your brother, and he accidentally gets spat on with your nocturnal emission, remember the Bible tells us he has to pray for forgiveness as well. But thank God that He has provided us with His Law to cleanse ourselves again!! Worldly Doctors will try to tell you that seminal ejaculations are actually quite pure. And I am even aware of some doctors who have told loose women that semen is remarkably high in protein. But they should read the Word of God to discover the truth!
The Word of God does not lie! Seminal ejaculations will cause disease, so you've got to clean yourself afterwards, as well as all your clothes and bed-sheets. Not only that, but ejaculating - even if it is an unconscious nocturnal emission - causes spiritual disease! And that's the reason that God requires your repentance for the Sin of Ejaculation.
Praise the Lord for His Word!!
Brian Tamariki
Senior Pastor, Density Church
I am 14 years old, and am a bit embarrassed to ask you this. But I will, because of some guilt feelings I'm having. The other night, while I was asleep, I had a nocturnal emission. I woke up to discover a wet patch. I had no control over this obviously, because I was asleep. But I felt a lot of guilt about it afterwards, and wondered if having a nocturnal emission is a sin? Should I ask for forgiveness for this?
Robert Rakiti
Answer: Dear Robert
Thanks for your question, Robert. Your sense of guilt is for a very good reason. Having a nocturnal emission is a sin, and is just as much a sin as killing someone - even though it is completely involuntary. In the Word of God, Leviticus 15 requires that every time a man
ejaculates he is unclean until the end of the day! God knows that male discharges are incredibly hazardous. Seminal ejaculation is a sin, and the Bible tells us that they must be amended for - through offerings to God and a ritual cleansing. It is for this very reason that Penni
and I only have sexual intercourse when I know I can stay within the confines of my home all day afterwards. For God's holy law is good, and protects us against disease.
This law is set out both in Leviticus 15.16 and Deuteronomy 23.10-11:
"If a man has an emission of semen, he shall bathe his whole body in water, and be unclean until the evening."
- Leviticus 15.16
"If one of you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp; he must not come within the camp. When evening comes, he shall wash himself with water, and when the sun has set, he may come back into the camp."
- Deut 23.10-11
Did you see what it said in Deuteronomy? God's law also applies to nocturnal emissions! Yup - even if a man has an involuntarily ejaculation in his sleep, he is considered 'unclean' in the eyes of
God. For we are fallen creatures. And we can sin even when we don't know it, because of the original sin of Adam.
That's why the Jews required that a man had to make a sin offering for the forgiveness of his sin of ejaculation. God doesn't approve of our ejaculations. Oh no! Ejaculating is a result of our sinful natures, and every time we wake up feeling the sticky residue of an involuntary nocturnal emission, we should pray for forgiveness. Before Jesus came, the Jews had to sacrifice a turtledove as a sin offering for offending God with their ejaculations. Ejaculating is indeed a sin! Leviticus 15.14-15 required that:
"On the eighth day a man who ejaculated shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons and come before Yahweh to the entrance of the tent of meeting and give them to the priest. The priest shall offer them, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make atonement on his behalf before Yahweh for his discharge."
Nowadays, however, Christians can pray for forgiveness of our ejaculations - directly to God, without the intervention of a priest. This is where the Whore of Babylon, the Roman Catholic Church, is wrong. They still think that we need a priest to intervene between us and God, but I'm telling you that we can pray directly to Jesus and say "sorry about that ejaculation, Lord Jesus!"
And just in case you spit your semen at anyone else lying near you, please remember that they are just as unclean as you. As Leviticus 15.8 teaches:
"If the one with the discharge spits on persons who are clean, then they shall wash their clothes, and bathe in water, and be unclean until the evening."
You don't want to be spat upon by an unclean ejaculator! Oh no! So if you happen to sleep in the same room as your brother, and he accidentally gets spat on with your nocturnal emission, remember the Bible tells us he has to pray for forgiveness as well. But thank God that He has provided us with His Law to cleanse ourselves again!! Worldly Doctors will try to tell you that seminal ejaculations are actually quite pure. And I am even aware of some doctors who have told loose women that semen is remarkably high in protein. But they should read the Word of God to discover the truth!
The Word of God does not lie! Seminal ejaculations will cause disease, so you've got to clean yourself afterwards, as well as all your clothes and bed-sheets. Not only that, but ejaculating - even if it is an unconscious nocturnal emission - causes spiritual disease! And that's the reason that God requires your repentance for the Sin of Ejaculation.
Praise the Lord for His Word!!
Brian Tamariki
Senior Pastor, Density Church
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